lank tangles

one o'clock in the morning. smoke billowed like silver threads against the darkness. from a bench just beside the dormitory, hidden mostly in shadows, a pair of eyes gazed unseeingly beyond the fence at the almost empty street and the occasional late night vehicles speeding by. it has been a habit, being awake at that hour, and normally it was done alone. normally.

a door creaks open. footsteps.

"you're smoking again. one day it's going to kill you."
"right. and wouldn't you be a happy little camper then?"
"..."

silence.

"what do you want?"
"..."

a raised eyebrow. the bench creaks in complaint.

"look, i don't like you. you don't like me. you're obviously not here just for some fresh air. so cut this shitty 'attempt' at conversation, tell me what the fuck you need and get the fuck back to who-fucking-ever you're screwing and leave me..."
"well, if you put it that way, then no. for one, the only reason why i'm here is because i'm having trouble sleeping and usually, fresh air does help. thus, i do not have any ulterior motive whatsoever for engaging you in this 'shitty attempt at conversation'. for another, if ever i was - how did you put it? - 'screwing' someone, what would make you think i'd leave their company in favor of yours? like you said, i don't like you, and it's very much obvious that the feeling is mutual. but then..."
"what?"
"you're fun to piss off."
"well thank you, that makes me feel so much better."
"see?"
"..."

silence.

"hey."
"what?"
"..."
"what is it?"
"what do you feel for.."
"...?"
"you know."
"feel? what do you mean?"
"you make him happy..."
"is that the reason why you wanted to talk to me?"
"... maybe."
"and is that the reason why you hate me so much?"
"would that make so much of a difference?"
"i care for him. he means a lot to me. reminds me of what i've been missing out on. he looks me in the eye and is not be afraid."
"so... you love him too."
"... yeah... but i doubt if i'm in love with him."
"... i see."

an exasperated sigh.

"shit, why the fuck am i telling you this? you are not going to tell him any of this, are you?"
"oh. of course not. i would not dream of ruining your reputation. though i doubt he would believe me even if i did tell him that i had what could pass as a heart-to-heart talk with a certain man, let alone that that man admitted to value something other than what he sees in the mirror."
"i am so glad that at least one of us finds this amusing, because i don't."

silence.

"why do you do that?"
"do what?"
"smoke."
"don't you?"
"of course not."
"does it bother you?"
"more people die from second-hand smoke, you know."
"and i should care because...?"
"you didn't answer my question."
"you asked a question?"
"..."

a snort.

"you know, you're really cute when you're annoyed."
"... what?"
"you're pretty. too bad you're deaf."
"what?"
"want to try?"
"what?"
"honey, i would've expected your vocabulary to be a little bit more extensive."
"oh, shut up. don't call me that. and no, i do not."
"suit yourself, princess."
"shit. i'd have you know that i'm in no way..."
"what? scared? weak?... gay?"
"..."
"then prove it."

a deep inhalation.

"that was *cough*... *cough*... horrible *cough*..."
"aww shit... you okay? god, just how much..."
"i swear i am never *cough*... touching *cough*... those things again *cough*..."
"well... i guess smoking really doesn't agree with you, does it?"
"... i am really glad at least one of us *cough* finds this amusing, because i don't."
"right."
"..."

more coughing.

"but you know what?"
"what?"
"i doubt you would've had the same reaction if we had done it my way in the first place."
"which is...?"
"this."

to hear someone say that their heart stopped is stupid, for really, it isn't possible. in the least, it can't be healthy. but at that moment, there were no other words for it. in their minds, in perfect unison: 

/ my heart stopped. /

"..."
"... damn."
"... that was..."
"yeah."
"..."

silence.

"changed your mind yet?"
"about what?"
"smoking."
"..."
"well?"
"i still say it's a bad habit... though i really don't blame you for indulging yourself."
"... smoking?"
"whatever did you think i was referring to?"
"well..."
"..."
"bad habits die hard."
"indeed."

silence.

"go back to sleep."
"i could say the same for you."
"yeah, yeah. good night... morning. whatever."

footsteps. the door creaks open.

"hey..."
"yeah?"
"..."
"what is it?"
"if you want to kiss me, just say so the next time. it would save us both a lot of trouble."

silence.

"... next time?"
"yeah. next time. bad habits die hard, don't they?"

the door softly closes.

a goofy grin slowly, unconsciously, replaced the surprise on the normally passive face. a tap, a snap of a lighter and a flicker of light later, smoke was again billowing in the air. a new taste lingered on the pale lips, as sweet and addictive as the taste of the beloved smoke. hell, the late night routine was broken and yet...

/ i wouldn't have had it any other way. /

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This entry was submitted to the UPLB [p] Pananaw 07-08 <uplbperspective0708@yahoo.com>